BabyBarista“Have you ever come across a young barrister who seemed to crash every drinks party in the whole of EC4 this Christmas season,” asked BusyBody today.

“Ah, so you’ve met LiggerLawyer,” smiled TheVamp. “She’s like the worst kind of Z-list celebrity who would go along to the opening of a briefcase if she’d been invited and it had free booze.”

“Except in LiggerLawyer’s case she’s not even a crass celeb and she’s also never invited to anything in the first place,” said Teflon.

“I’ve seen her around,” said OldSmoothie. “She always sends congratulation letters to new judges and QCs to try and finagle an invite. Her problem is that we’ve all been pre-warned in advance and so ignore them.”

“She’s regularly loitering outside Middle Temple Hall after work,” said UpTights. “Word has it that she’s even had to resort to disguise since the porters have also been warned about her.”

“But why does she do it?” asked BusyBody.

“I’ve known her since Bar School,” said TheVamp. “It’s not that she’s an alcoholic or even that she can’t afford to buy her own drinks. Instead it simply seems to be that she gets a kick out of getting something for nothing. But not just that, the kick also seems to be about not getting caught.”

“Doesn’t seem to be doing a terribly good job there, then,” said HeadofChambers.

“From what I’ve heard,” said UpTights, “her real problem isn’t merely the crashing of the odd party or two. It’s that she’s completely and utterly without any semblance or even a hint of charm whatsoever.”

“It’s true,” said TheVamp. “Her self-importance and pomposity used to suck the humour out of even the funniest of situations. Worse still, most of the time she just stood around offending people without having the slightest inkling she was doing so.”

“Now that really is a problem,” said HeadofChambers. “I mean, if you’re going to freeload, then you must at least know your place and be explicitly on notice that you are under an obligation at the very least to sing for your supper.”

“And failure to be entertaining in such circumstances is far worse than the act of ligging itself,” said UpTights.

“She sounds to me that she’s just the sort of person who probably turns up at court without using the official ICLR law reports.”

“It’s funny you should mention that,” said TheBusker. “I was against her the other day. I turned up as usual with my copies taken from the ICLR Online but she didn’t have any print offs at all. Instead she just handed the judge a few links which she asked him to type into his computer and download during submissions.”

“Ouch,” said BusyBody.

“Quite,” said TheBusker, “The problem is that the brass neck which keeps her from crawling under a bush around the Temple also left her completely impervious to any criticism. Even when the judge shouted at her, she simply threatened him with appeal. Still, I wasn’t complaining when her otherwise strong case was dismissed well before we even got to the lunch break.”