Never forget that lawyers aren’t paid to be liked

“Is nothing sacred these days?” said UpTights.

“What are you moaning on about now?” said OldSmoothie.

“Once upon a time institutions were respected but in the last few years it seems like it’s all gone to pot. First, we find out that a fair proportion of our politicians were on the make at the public’s expense…”

“That can hardly have come as a surprise when you’ve er, been courted by several members of parliament over the years,” said OldSmoothie.

“Maybe not,” said UpTights ingoring the jibe, “but that was only the start of it. Then we had the bankers fixing the markets…”

“…when they weren’t mis-selling insurance,” said BusyBody.

“And journalists getting up to all sorts of shenanigans,” continued UpTights, “and now we even have hospital care under the microscope. I mean, where is it all going to end?”

“What concerns me most in that regard,” said OldSmoothie, “is that the status of the legal profession might actually be rising off the very bottom of the sea bed if we’re not careful.”

“What’s the problem with that?” said TheCreep.

“Listen, young man,” said OldSmoothie. “Never fall under the misapprehension that people page huge fees to come and get the benefit of your time because they like you or think you’re a nice person. Never, ever forget that you’re not paid to be liked. On the contrary, people usually come to a lawyer because they want you to do their dirty work and frankly, you don’t often ask people you like to do your dirty work.”

“I’ve always thought there was something refreshingly honest about lawyers and their lack of pretension about how the rest of society views them,” said TheBusker. “I couldn’t see doctors or architects revelling in cruel jokes about their own profession the way we do about our own.”

“Which of course means that whilst people might not always like us, we can rarely be accused of hypocrisy,” said HeadofChambers.

“Well, that’s an optimistic way of looking at it,” said BusyBody.

“Of course, with even the great and the good being brought to their knees, there’s one British institution which always remain unimpeachable,” said OldRuin.

“The royal family?” said TheCreep.

“Hardly,” said BusyBody.

“No, by that I am of course referring to the supplier of our official law reports, The Incorporated Council of Law Reporting.” A general murmur of consent followed before OldRuin added, “They’ve even managed to move with the times with the ICLR online.”

HeadClerk clapped his hands and said, “Well, if OldSmoothie’s right and the profession really does rest on its bad boy image then I think you’d better all stop drinking your very refined little cups of tea and get yourselves out into the wine bars drumming up some real work.”

“Business as usual then,” smiled TheBusker.

Illustrations by Alex Williams.